A bearded guy in grubby thrift store clothes leaves the back of the bus to stand next to someone who had just gotten on to the bus, and has sat down. Without making eye contact with anyone, Bearded Guy, using an angry mid-range voice and a gravelly, lower voice, begins having a dialogue with himself.
1: He's wearing the tweed pants of a Royalist.
2: I thought tweeds only appeared amongst the mid-century Royalist-
1: Not the stately ones who were stuck in the staunch time-warp of 20th century British inflexibility.
2: Why did something as Oxford Britannica as that have to fade away? Becoming a novelty of the passing past-
1: Well, the whole palace of cards collapsed one day when the queen slapped a baby on live television. The baby was offered to the queen for a sweet, motherly embrace – a blessing, if you will – But it appears the baby was hungry and began to suckle at the Queen Mother's teat... through her royal blouse. This offended the queen's early-Elizabethan sensibilities, and she reacted suddenly – It was a commoner!
2: By slapping a baby??!
1: No. When she jerked back and her wig fell off.
2: Huh?
1: Revealing a small aquarium stocked with tiny sea-monkeys, where the scalp should be.
2: So she slapped the baby..!
1: On live television.
2: That's sounds just awful. No wonder they never had to work a day in their lives-
1: Piggily living the kind of hoggy-lifestyle every one of us is gonna envy.
2: What ever happened to the baby?
1: He's still in jail. He gets let out every year just long enough to do civic-duty, in the form of public amenities.
2: Jerry Lewis!??
1: That's right, now – this is confidential. Best intelligence-
2: So who's the the queen we see now, on British Intelligence newscasts?
1: Don't worry sir, everything's taken care of. We've got one of our best men in the position.
(Arriving at a stop, Bearded Guy exits bus)
